Something about Gratitude

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about gratitude. Between my time of need (the surgery) and a friend in need (issues with her baby's health,) I am forced to feel a gratitude for my life far deeper than can be expressed with words. I try to pray my thanks and write my thanks, but it is not enough. Is it greedy to long for the words, the ability to express myself adequately? I am left shaken in blender of grief for those who are grieving and gratitude for the life that is mine.

God Speaks

Yes, we were on the quest to wait. Yes, I was struggling with this decision. Yes, I accidentally got pregnant. It was a tubal pregnancy, so I guess it's not much of a surprise. We don't use birth control because we know that an embryo cannot implant in my uterus without assistance. Since it wasn't a viable pregnancy, it wasn't planned, and I didn't even know about it until I knew something was wrong, it wasn't terribly painful to lose. I did have to have the entire tube removed, and that's a bit frightening considering that I want more children. I did have to undergo surgery, hormonal changes, and painful (physically) symptoms of a miscarriage. In the end, I'll conclude that this was God's confirmation that the right choice for us is to wait a few months. There's some sense of relief when the decision is taken out of my hands, but I know the struggle will re-surface as soon as my body returns to normal. God, help me!

I want a baby girl

Yes, I have baby fever again. I want something little that I can snuggle and carry around in an infant seat. Oh yes, and I want it to be a GIRL this time. I want to get excited about little girl clothes. I want pink and lace and ruffles. I want dainty princess dresses and bows and dolls. My baby boy will always be the love of my life, but I want a baby girl. (Heck, I actually want a couple of both!)

We were working on having baby #2, but then a rare travel opportunity sprung up. It's a situation that can actually include my mom, and I don't want to deny her that experience by not being able to put off conceiving for another six months. So we wait...again...good things come to those who wait, right? God, please hear this prayer!

To Dallas, With Love...

I am a Dallas girl. In fact, I am such a Dallas girl that a friend used to call me "Dallas." Yes, I WAS Dallas. I knew the "right" people, drove the "right" vehicle, and had the "right" look. By the time I was in college (which, interestingly enough, didn't happen to be in Dallas) I definitely grew into the part. I love it when my dad pays for me to have a great haircut and a blond "touch-up." I love it when my step-mother, the undeniably best in Dallas, gives me a long, luxurious, and gossip-filled facial. I love cruising around Highland Park in a luxury vehicle. I love Whole Foods and great eateries. I love being treated like a high-roller. Lord help me, but I sure do love Neiman's and Northpark. I love the specialty stores and the beautiful people. I adore the beautiful homes and the old sections of town. I'm nestalgic for the quiet, tree-lined drive down Hillcrest. I love having grounded and informed opinions about the private schools and the cultures therein. I love knowing people wherever I go. I love that the city is full of MY history and the people I love.

I don't live in Dallas anymore. I don't live the image that I had for myself when I grew up in Dallas. My life is wonderful, however. I have a happy, healthy marriage and a equally wonderful baby boy. I live near my beloved in-laws, and I've escaped the "bad" in Dallas. I was happy to flee from the pressures to live "THE" Dallas life. I was happy to quit caring about how I looked when I went to the grocery store and whom I ran into at the restaurants. I was happy to find a town in which my vehicle's make didn't preceed my character. I was happy to have a fresh place in which to share my more mature and gentle character. I'm happy not to take myself too seriously, to joke around with the "help." I'm happy that having "help" isn't expected in my town. I'm happy that I don't have to wear lables. I'm happy that I don't feel the pressures to enjoy the costly luxuries I grew up enjoying. Yes, I am happy.

But I miss Dallas. I am a Dallas girl, but I don't think Dallas will ever again be my home. For the first time since leaving ten years ago, I wish I lived there, the place that will always be home to my heart. Dallas, I forgive you your transgressions, and I hope you will forgive me mine.

I've been inspired!

I found a blog that echoes many of my own values (if not yet practices) as far as feeding my family is concerned. The link is: http://purelynaturaleating.blogspot.com. This mother's premise is to feed her family natural, whole, organic foods and to avoid as much processing as possible. I've poured through recipe books, grocery advertisements, etc. I've even come very close to stocking my freezer with frozen meals...largely thanks to the fact that I can get them so cheaply. Reading "Purely Natural Eating" has reminded me to stay dedicated to my values and to continue to find ways of shopping and cooking that work for me and my family. It's a gem I will definitely be following!

Continued...

So, I've been reading other people's blogs about saving grocery dollars. I know that my savings are not as extreme as theirs. Here is my explanation:

1. I don't buy much processed food. This week I got a box of Raisin Bran for 22 cents and a bottle of Pepsi for free. Other than that, the only things purchased from the store's "isles" were two boxes of Barilla Plus pasta, a can of diced organic tomatoes, a bottle of EVOO, flour, brown sugar, yeast, red pepper flakes, and a box of ziplocks (with a coupon.) This explains why I spend more. Interestingly enough, this is counter-intuative to me. I would have thought it would be more expensive to buy a diet of packaged foods, but that is no longer the case due to the abundance of coupons for those products. Darn!

2. While I am a good shopper, I am not yet the expert shopper. For example, it is best to go to many stores to get the best deals; however, I just went to one. This is something I will be working on in the future.

Saving Grocery Dollars

This morning I went to the grocery store. My total purchases came to $112. Guess how much I paid? $60!!!!!!!! I used $12 worth of coupons, a $10 off coupon, and a $30 gift card for transferring a prescription. Now, I could have spent less, thus making the savings proportionately more; however, I chose, instead, to purchase mostly organic produce and organic ground beef. Wonderful savings today! I feel great!